Best Dressed at The Ridge? Mr. NighsWRONGer!
Photo Courtesy of: Mr. Nighswonger
Mr.Nighswonger in his infamous banana shirt.
May 26, 2021
Mr. Matthew Nighswonger’s fashion choices have been causing some buzz around the Shadow Ridge campus. Nighswonger’s wardrobe has brought both applause and the occasional booing. Most recently, he has been spotted wearing a pair of casual black dress shoes and, surprising to most, white athletic socks to go along with them. Rumor has it that Nighswonger has even shown up on campus wearing floods–however, there has been no confirmation on this rumor, and Nighswonger refused to comment on that speculation. So, for now, the “Nighswonger-floods” remains a topic of school intrigue.
Nighswonger was willing to make general remarks on his fashion trends, and left a brief message for those who are questioning his style choices. His bold comparison between how he dresses himself and a world-famous artist, along with Star War references plainly make it clear to all: Nighswonger is not here to mess around when it comes to his clothing.
“That’s kind of like asking why Michelangelo thought his art was good. When you are a transcendent genius ahead of one’s time you just know. I just know. I can sense it.”
With Nighswonger’s choice of style being so unique and eye-popping, many people are trying to find out where he gets his inspiration. Over in Chemistry, where potential is always being evaluated, Mrs. Angela Pisciotta commented, “Mr. Nighswonger is the best sport! He let’s me kid him about his Khaki pants that he wears sometimes. I remember one day out on the field for Flag I told him his pants were flooding and one of the girls overheard me and told me that he could “never sneak up on anyone with those flappers” as they were moving and flapping in the wind.” She continues, “I actually think Mr. Nighswonger is a closet eagle scout…He is always prepared for the rain with those floods he wears.” When pressed, Nighswonger named his eyebrow-raising source from which he obtains his fashion know-how. Nighswonger even states that he is even going to be a part of this rising fashion statement.
“There is a new men’s fashion magazine coming out. It is a spin-off of GQ. It is called DQ: Dad’s Quarterly. They have hired me as a consultant. The vibe is COOL!”
After hours of extensive, excruciating research, the conclusion has been made that “Dad’s Quarterly” is not real… or at least, not circulated among the uninitiated. Evidence of this claim is still being anxiously waited upon.
To cap things off, Mr. Nighswonger gave a detailed, extended explanation of his ideal dressing pattern for a regular day at school. He did not disappoint, as an outfit this complex is not something that is seen on the daily.
“Some nice jeans, black dress shoes with white socks, and an untucked button-up shirt. Vibe check: COOL!”
